Oblong Burger - Round Table Pizza - Dubai

First I wanna say that the website linked above is for the US site, there is no site here in Dubai. Second I wanna ask myself, what was I thinking? A burger from a pizza place? This is something I would normally not entertain, however I really felt like a burger and I didn't have much choices around me, also the menu describes the RT Deluxe Burger as 'A lean juicy quarter pounder on a soft french roll garnished with lettuce, tomato, onions, mustard, mayonnaise and melted cheese' When you feel like a burger and you read something like that, it's pretty tempting, the only thing I was curious about was the word 'roll'. Either way this to me qualified as test worthy. The restaurant was quite dark and very dull inside, it was lunchtime and there was a big salad bar in the middle however everything was covered and there was 2 other ppl in the restaurant sitting at seperate tables, one was eating fried chicken! Anyway I proceeded to order, I also got a side of fries. After charging me the incorrect amount I see my order wasn't taken properly and went back to clarify, they rectified the issue and now I was waiting. After a rather long wait (considering nobody else was waiting for food) my order was up and I head back to the studio!

As you can see there seems to be quite a bit of food here, and now I see what they mean by roll, upon unwrapping the burger the needle on my 'what the hell have I done' meter creeps closer to 'Extreme', what lay before me was this rather large long coffin style roll which looked like it was hiding death inside, kind of apt really. Opening the lid to the coffin, I had mixed emotions, part of me wanted to cry, the other part was just happy I was going to have some food. The bread didn't feel too bad in my hand, the tomatoes were reasonable but the lettuce looked awful, the thin layer had become translucent from the mustard and mayonnaise, but the worst part by far was the actual beef, what they had done to this innocent bit of cow that was once part of a wonderful animal roaming the country side grazing on fresh green grass was nothing short of a crime. This disgusting, extremely dry and partly crumbly beef rectangle shaped patty was pretty close to the worst meat I have ever seen. I now know what it's like when people jump out of a plane on their first sky dive, or a bungee jump, I was fighting all my natural instincts to immediately eject this burger out the window and run as far as possible, unfortunately I won the battle and took the first bite, looking at the burger after the bite the meat really looked like jerky, as far as what was going on in my mouth... well, while the bun was soft it was also kinda crumbly, the tomato was distingushable, but everything else was just this weird half dry half wet mush, while it didn't taste disgusting it felt it, the story worsens with the second bite, unfortunately I did not have water near me, I seriously felt like running out to the desert and filling my mouth with the hot yellow sand to relieve the dryness that this patty delivers.

There's not really much else to say here, I was starving and had a few more bites between the cups of sand, I ended up giving up and throwing away a little more than half of the burger, I was starting to get full on the fries, now while these fries were just standard frozen fries, the oil used by these ppl to fry them must be the good ol factory type F oil, it really delivered that old school french fry flavour, none of that light fresh taste here, it was that hard fast food thick stodgy goodness... I liked it! The coleslaw that comes with the burger is a thimble size of what appears to be factory made stuff, edible and OK for what it is. In summary, will I go to Round Table again??.. definitely, to try a pizza, or maybe even the fried chicken (probably not), after all how hard is that to stuff up? I will however, never again take that leap and order a burger from these people, if you're ever in the desert and want a burger and you see a RoundTable restaurant, please treat it as a mirage and ignore, you'd be better off with the punishing midday sun and hot fiery sand. I have to go out now and get another 'what the hell have I done' meter as it exploded around the third bite.

Beef - 1 | Bun - 4 | Cheese - 3 | Sauces - 3 | Salad 3 | Overall - 2

Quick Burger - Chef Express - Dubai

American fifties style, that's the impression I got immediately when entering the restaurant, a few moments of looking around though, you can see it's that, but with a modern twist. After being suitably distracted by the bicycle on the wall I started looking at the very extensive menu. Chef Express is best described as a 'Grill', they have burgers, steaks, fajitas, seafood and salads, along with mocktails, shakes and juices. There's a number of burgers to try here, I didn't waste much time choosing, I knew I was going to have a couple before finalising a review. So to start with I went pretty standard, I ordered the cheeseburger, which comes with one slice of cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles and mayonnaise, I noted there was no mustard or ketchup. I resisted the urge to modify it, this place looks like they know what they are doing, so let's see what their default offering is like. I also ordered a side of 'Crunchy Fries'.

The burger arrived 15 minutes later, standing tall and proud, clearly displaying all layers. The placement of the tomato caught my first inquistive glance, followed by that extremely orange cheese, then I noticed the double mayo, both on the bottom and top buns, this to me is a little concerning, I'm not a huge fan of mayonnaise, it has it's place and can compliment a burger and other sandwich type meals very well, however I use it sparingly, although this didn't seem to be the policy at chef express. The fries did look great, bread crumbed, kinda like little potato stick schnitzels, very crunchy and soft fluffy potatoey stuff inside, served with good ketchup.

Picking up this burger and giving it a gentle squeeze to allow proper entry into the mouth cavity was a good start to the experience, the bun was nice and soft, very fresh and every so slighly warm, as I brought this now shorter version toward me for devouration, the mayonnaise started dripping out the bottom, not a problem at all, glad to lose a little of the white stuff. My fears of fighting a mouth full of white sauce, the taste buds battling that sweet, eggy, creamy filth to get to some burgery goodness were not founded at all, somehow the chef express experts use the double spread of mayonnaise brilliantly, it worked really well with this burger, I have to rave about this as I cannot stand too much of this stuff and here, despite it appearing there's quite a bit, the blend of all the ingredients together is near perfect. I never even thought about the lack of ketchup or mustard. The salad was fresh, lettuce being crunchy and noticable, the tomato was firm and stood its ground, the patty looked to be a perfect round patty, but I'd have to say I don't think it's of the frozen variety, it tasted a little too good, perhaps they use patty shapers, because yes, the beef inside, well let's just say I was glad to have it inside of me. No funny or fancy flavours going on here, just nice beefy goodness supported by great condiments, the pickles doing their fair share of the work too, and the bun just holding it all together nicely. As I went through this burger, bite after bite, I was truly shocked that I like it so much, I'm definitely coming back for a second burger to complete this review.

The second burger I tried for this review was the mushroom burger, this is beef with swiss cheese and mushrooms on the same bun, it's also served with a mushroom sauce, it came on the side, however that may have something to do with the fact I got takeaway. The bun is the same deal and I'm happy to say it was just as nice as the first time, soft and reliable. Similar to the cheeseburger, this mushroom burger has mayonnaise on both the top and bottom of the bun, there's no salad though, you just get grilled onions and mushrooms. Again the beef in the burger was superb, just pure beefy goodness that is not messed with at all, you can hardly taste or see any fat in the patty either. The mushrooms blended well with the swiss cheese, a classic combination that chef express do not stuff up, the addition of the grilled onions is great, adding that something extra. I didn't get much of a mushroom flavour from the sauce though, it was more of a smokey bbq, a very nice smokey bbq but not really detecting the mushroom. The onion rings were very good, big and crunchy, perhaps a little too much batter vs actual onion but still a solid entry and definitely up there, I've had some pretty miserable onion rings, as I'm sure we all have. These also went really well with the sauce.

Overall it was a great burger that lived up to it's name with plenty of grilled mushrooms and an adequate dose of swiss cheese, I wasn't worried at all about the sauce as, despite not tasting of mushroom it was a good sauce and went well with the burger. I will definitely be frequenting Chef Express again and again, not just for burgers but for everything they offer.

Beef - 8.5 | Bun - 8 | Cheese - 7.5 | Sauces - 7 | Salad - 7 | Overall - 8

Earthshake - Shake Shack - Dubai

As a burgermeister I'd heard of the famous shack, with the best hamburgers ever claims etc. Theres countless stories and blogs about how amazing these burgers are and even the ridiculous claims of the them being life changing. The lines outside some of the stores to have one are stories unto themselves. And yes, like everything else, of course they are in Dubai, minus the horrendous queues. So trying shake shack was a no brainer, off we went. After being greeted at the door and taken through the menu I still took my time to look over the menu covered wall, wondering what to order.

At this point I had to reassure myself that this place wasn't going to run away, and I didn't need to order everything at once. So after three visits, the following has been consumed, a shack burger, a double cheeseburger, a shroom burger and a special double burger. This was done in order to give you, the reader a better overall picture of the shake shack burger dining experience. Please note, the shroom burger has been consumed via 3rd party. After eating the three beef burger variants it's hard to say there's a huge difference between them, they all require you to be sitting, preferably fasten to your seat, because believe me, unless you are, you will fall down the second this bit of heaven registers through your taste buds to the brain, it's a complete orgasmic overload.

The sensory confusion going on here is unlike anything I've ever experienced whilst consuming a burger. Let's start with the bun. The soft, squishy, yet structurally sound piece of baked dough has a mysterious yellow tinge to it, the bun is ever so sweet, I usually cannot stand sweetness in a bun when it's meant for a burger or sandwich but it's so subtle here that while you can sense it, it doesn't distract or detract, and it's toasted ever so slightly with a delicate layer of shack sauce spread over the golden surface. The best buns I've had on a burger by a country mile. I had to find out more about them, after a visit to the local library and pouring through old newspaper records on the microfiche and going through volumes of the encyclopaedia Brittanica and coming up with nothing, I thought I might try and Google it.... potato rolls huh? Going to need more research.

The texture of the patty is a whole nother story, the surface has this crust, like that crunchy bit of cheese you get sometimes on the outside of a pizza or a toasted cheese sandwich, of course made of beef, I guess this is achieved by letting the patty sear well onto the cooking surface, requiring you to scrap it off using a sharp spatula with a swift, fast motion, something I've done before, totally by accident and not nearly as well. Past this crunchy wonderland is the outrageously flavourful beef. It's so good I've had to read about it, there's a few theories out there but one that appears to be popular is the 50:25:25 mix of sirloin, chuck and brisket. It's just so beefy, there's no messing about here with spices or extra seasonings, I don't think anyway, it's just pure beef deliciousness, obviously the blend of different cow cuts lends way to that unique shack taste. That leaves us with the sauces and cheese, the only sauce the shack will entertain putting on your burger is shack sauce, however, as much mustard and ketchup you desire is available at a dispensary station. They are of course completely unnecessary for these burgers, the squishy bun, juiciness of the beef combined with the gooey factory triple processed cheese and mayo-ee ketchup with a hint of mustard sauce are a 91 perfect combination. On a side note, the Shroom burger was reported as 'OK' nothing that fancy, apparently the love is shown only to the beef burgers here, fair enough if you ask me.

In summary, is this the best burger I've ever had... yes it was, did it change my life, yeah it did, how could you not expect it to for someone that takes burgers so seriously? Has it ruined all other burgers for me? No. It certainly has not, infact, in a kind of ironic way it has made me appreciate other burgers, other good burgers. See, shake shack make an incredible burger that is like having a supanova in your mouth (in a good way), but its uniquely a shake shack experience and taste. A well made classic burger with pure beef mince, cheddar cheese, fresh lettuce, tomato, pickles and onions with ketchup and mustard on a reasonable bun is still pretty awesome too, it's just different awesome. The hunt goes on!

Beef - 10 | Bun - 10 | Cheese - 9 | Sauces - 9 | Salad - 9 | Overall - 9.5

Fudd That - Fuddruckers - Dubai *** Read about Fuddruckers Cairo! they are much better!!***

World's greatest hamburgers. That's a pretty HUGE claim to make, especially to me. I'm not going to draw this one out, I don't have the patience to write up a nice little story about Fuddruckers, they're not worth it, mainly because they were not the world's greatest hamburgers, they were not even close, they weren't even the greatest hamburgers within a 5km radius.

A disappointment. That's the best way to sum this one up, I mean if the sign said World's most OK burger, I wouldn't feel so disappointed. They just set themselves up for a fall, a big one, and they fell. The burger was mediocre, the beef seemed quite factory like, no slapping a ball of fresh mince onto the grill and flattening it out with a spatula for these fellas. Also the burger comes to you with just cheese, meat and the bun, you put on the sauces you like and from a pretty big salad bar you choose what you want on your burger and assemble yourself.

It's not that bad an idea to be honest, it's just that I was so let down by a number of things, the service was very slow despite the place being next to empty, the staff seemed more concerned with discussing each others nail polish than with attending to the very few customers, and primarily, the beef was just ordinary. It seemed like a large fat cheeseburger pattie from McDonalds, no flavour. Even the mixed entree plate was boring with standard run of the mill fare, nothing stood out, apart from the blandness. I won't be frequenting again, way too many other better burgers to be had and even more equally mediocre burgers with faster service.

Beef - 5 | Bun - 5 | Cheese - 5 | Sauces - 6 | Salad - 7 | Overall - 5

Elevated Beef - Elevation Burger - Dubai

Organic Beef on a burger 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, year round, even for delivery?! Yes it's possible with the people that bring you the elevated burger. My first experience with elevation burger was during lunch, eat in, after seeing the store from the road many times my anticipation grew more each time I passed it. Upon walking in, that familar bright, happy fast foodie vibe hits you, young vibrant staff, big smiles and loud greetings, and the claims to using certified US organic beef, to me that's worrying, a fast food joint using organic beef doesn't sit well with me, anyway onto the menu.

Burger choices are definitely not high on the priority for Elevation burger, they've basically got an organic beef burger that has 2 patties and cheese slices mystifyingly the next burger is the cheeseburger which is exactly the same but with one less pattie and only one slice of cheese, then there's the vertigo burger which starts at 3 patties but can go up to 10. To me this menu makes no sense, it's basically the same burger with extra patties and cheese, which are priced extras anyway... There's also a kids burger thats just has a beef pattie, now I can't speak for kids but I'd imagine if I got a 'kids' burger only to realise it was exactly the same as the other burgers just minus the cheese I'd be pretty peeved I missed out on the cheese, one could even argue the kids burger should have cheese for the calcium! (Not that I'm expecting an abundance of it here), we move onto the vegetarian offering, and next is a 'half the guilt' burger, which is 1 beef pattie and 1 veg pattie, on the same friggin burger, first the name makes no sense, one beef pattie would be half the guilt, not loading a breaded deep fried mush of veges on top of the beef, second, well it just sounds disgusting, finally we have a grilled cheese sandwich, then comes the usual fries, drinks and shakes, some of which are proudly made with REAL stuff. No onion rings, no chicken burger, as I see it, one beef burger, one veg burger and a cheese sandwich, all customisable with optional toppings. I opted for the default elevation burger with additional toppings of lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, ketchup and mustard. When the burgers arrived I must say, the problems I had with the menu went straight out the window, this burger looked awesome, the bun had a slight glisten to it, the patties looked moist and kinda fresh!? The lettuce and tomato were not wilted, soggy or used merely for decoration, this was all wrapped up in paper to allow for mess free eating.

I never thought I'd have a feeling of farm freshness biting into a fast food burger, but I did, it wasn't the greasiest, most decadent flavour packed burger I've ever had, no, it was fresh, tasty and morish, the right proportions of meat to cheese to sauce to onion without the lettuce and tomato interfering. I loved this burger, I'd have to say amongst my favourite fast food burgers, and my fast food organic fears? Gone... At least for this place. The fries were standard frozen shoestring fries that did their job reasonably enough. As mentioned earlier, elevation burger delivers, any time, and one night after a rather long night out, in a pretty intoxicated state I ordered delivery, not something I'd usually do, particularly sober, burgers do not travel well, especially with sauces and tomato slices, but I must say, for a delivered burger at 4am in the morning, I can remember feelings of content and satisfaction, one could argue that's just coz of my state, but that's the point, are you really going to order a burger delivery at 4am in any other state?

Beef - 9 | Bun - 7 | Cheese - 8 | Sauces - 7 | Salad - 7 | Overall - 8